[British] Open Minded

About a year ago, a friend asked us if we’d be interested in going to Scotland for the British Open if he won the chance to buy 4 tickets in the ticket lottery. At the end of October he found out he’d won. For a few hours I was celebrating my opportunity to see top-notch tennis players, until my ignorance became apparent to the rest of the foursome. Turns out it’s a golf tournament; I offer that tidbit for anyone else out there like me.

After 9 months of anticipation and almost 2 weeks of touring Scotland, the big day was here. Our fellow traveler not only won the chance to buy tickets, he won the chance to buy them for the final day. Again, for those like me, that means they have already played a round of golf for each of the first 3 days, and those that made the cut play a last round on the final day.

The excitement of it was heightened because it was the 150^th anniversary of the British Open, and it was being played—as it is every 5 years now—at the birthplace of golf, St Andrew’s in Scotland.

So now, a little personal history. I do understand golf. Dad started teaching me at age 7, but I think everyone who knows me well can attest, I do not take instruction well, particularly from family members. And if anyone knows that it’s Dad, because he is the one tried the hardest. I took lessons in middle school in the hot, hot Dallas summer. At the time I wondered why my parents were doing this to me. As a parent myself, I realize now that having a tween child in the house all summer with nothing to do drives you to such extremes.

During high school, we literally lived on a golf course. Dad tried to take me golfing out the back door one evening. I told him I’d go, if he promised not to tell me how to golf. He promised. We didn’t complete one hole before he absolutely needed to tell me this one thing, and I packed up my clubs and walked home. He laughed behind me the whole way.

Until the last few years, I’ve mostly avoided playing. But recently I’ve enjoyed it a lot more. Turns out that aging has helped me be okay with not being great at things right away, it’s given me patience. And I love roaming around the course, getting a nice shot here and there. So, yes, I’m practically Rory McIlroy.

With all that background, I have never watched a tournament. I have played in one once, in 7^th grade, but that’s it. They were on in the background on the television for many years of my life, but watching golf on tv rated right up there with watching bowling or pool, both of which were also playing in the background of my childhood. While Dad mostly dozed on the couch, so I’m not entirely sure he found it all that exciting either.

Back to the Open. We arrived, in a very well-planned park-and-ride fashion by our fellow traveler. The man ahead of us was wearing plaid knickers and a matching hat, exactly what I imagined everyone would be wearing, but only a few were. The first thing Brian and I did was go find Diet Coke—if you know us, you understand. But also they were selling waffles. I can confirm, the waffles at the British Open are excellent. So, off to a good start. 5/5 rating for the waffle.

Next up was exploring the course a bit. The players who are less in contention play first, so crowds are minimal. St. Andrews is a legendary course that is also fairly easy if the weather cooperates. It had been fairly dry for Scotland, so there was a lot of brown through the course. And the deep, war-trench style bunkers are very intimidating to me. But a pro golfer can make quick work of this course on a sunny day with little wind, exactly what Sunday offered.

The first thing we came upon is The Bridge. This generated excitement among those in the know, apparently it is a big deal at St. Andrews. I mean, I’m sure it’s special and all, but I’m pretty sure we basically had to golf over a bridge just like that over at Crystal’s Pizza and Putt Putt in Dallas back in the 80s, and I’m pretty sure I got a hole in one. So sure, it’s a cool little bridge. 5/5 for the bridge (I’m being generous so I don’t irritate the real golf fans).

We followed Aaron Jarvis and Jordan Smith for a while, getting to know the layout. I got to know them by their shirt colors, and they were often in the vicinity of two golfers I can only refer to as White Pants and Bucket Hat because I never figured out who they were. But then the Diet Coke kicked in and I needed a bathroom. I waited too long. It was probably half a mile to the bathrooms, though I passed a couple of men taking care of business in the bushes on the side along the way. I give the bathroom distance on the ocean side of the course a 2/5. It would be 1/5 but they were pretty nice porta-potties.

Once I discovered the grandstands, where you could sit and watch rather than half-sprint with a mob, I found my place. Especially since they don’t allow alcohol in the stands, so just like the hurling games in Ireland, you aren’t going to get inadvertently soaked in beer. However, you still have to change grandstands sometimes. I’m okay with that, it made for some great viewing. 5.5/5 on the grandstands.

The golfers coming through began to be more well-known players. No longer was I referring to them by their apparel choices. But speaking of apparel choices, there is a store at the British Open. It is called, appropriately enough, The Shop. Three of us decided to check it out; Brian abstained since he is medically allergic to shopping. He would have hated this. We stood in some makeshift Disney-level turnstile lines along with a whole lot of other people. At least it moved quickly.

Then we were corralled into the Shop itself, which may have been fully stocked and organized at some point, but at this point looked like the most polite looting session ever. People had stacks of hands and shirts in shopping baskets, grabbing them out of the hands of other shoppers. Okay, maybe that last part was just me. Things were both extremely picked over and expensive. I picked out a few things in a panic and moved on to the Old Navy-style checkout, which was very organized and much quicker than Old Navy. 1.5/5 for The Shop. Probably should be higher than that, the staff was extremely courteous, and I don’t know how you handle a horde like that any better.

The rest of the event really was wrapped up watching golf, with a brief foray into a very well-run food stall for lunch and also a free shot of scotch that was extremely entertaining when imbibed by one particularly alcohol-averse fellow traveler. One of the highlights was standing near a tee, where you could watch these golfers hit such hard drives, and you could hear the balls hiss as they whizzed by. That was not the sound of worms burning, as I’m accustomed to hearing in my own game; it’s sheer force of air against the tiny little ball. 10/5 for the golfers.

For a brief time we watched at the 2^nd green/3^rd tee because some of the bigger names were getting started. A bunch of photographers were seated just off the fairway, inside the roped-off area. I sat myself in the grass right under the rope and had a great view for quite a while. Then the last four golfers came through, and the photographers took up more and more space, so that by the time Rory began, I couldn’t really see anything. 1/5 for photographers. But really, the people running videocameras around the course are the best athletes there, so 5/5 for them even though they obstructed my view.

We parked a few different places for a while, and we spent the last couple of hours or so in the grandstand by the 16^th green and the 17^th tee. We saw all the leading pairs come through, and it’s truly amazing to see them putt. I cannot putt to save my life, and for them it’s like there is a magnet in the ball that draws it straight to the hole. Incredible. Things got very exciting at the end, as those of you who follow such things know. Rory McIlroy was favored to win, but he was upstaged by two younger guys named Cameron who played extraordinary games. 10/5 on the golf.

An old-timer who goes often told us that sometimes the wind blows the balls off the green so fast they have to quickly mark where it landed so the golfer knows where to play. That would be something to see. But also we would have had to sit in that wind and bluster all day. So 2/5 for weather excitement but 5/5 for weather compatibility.

It was an excellent day, all in all, and the next time a tournament is on in the background it is possible, but not probable, that I will pay a little attention. On the other hand, I fully expect that all this professional input will end with me become a much better golfer. Hey Dad, wanna go out for a quick 9 holes? I promise I won’t leave.