Go with the Flow?

We left our house at 6:15 am on Tuesday and 27 hours later four out of five Quists stumbled into hotel rooms in Nagoya, Japan. We only stayed the night, but I haven’t slept that hard in years, at least without anesthesia. The next morning we rolled out of bed and caught a train to one town where we caught a taxi to Hikone, where Natalie awaited us with equal amounts of eagerness to see us and irritation at having to get up early. She’s been studying in Hikone since September through the Japan Center for Michigan Universities, an arm of Michigan State.

It was so good to see her! And immediately we invaded her life, dropping our piles of luggage in her room, dragging her off to see Hikone Castle, and embarrassing her with our American tourist ways. She gets over it whenever we buy her food though, so it’s okay. She helped us order food and buy train tickets. It is an amazing thing to see your own child speaking proficiently in a language you can’t even begin to comprehend, like she is a completely different being than the little girl who watched VeggieTales and played Zelda all those years. She has worked hard and it is fun to see.

After a night in her slightly-off-the-beaten-track town, we made her get up early again to take a bullet train to Hiroshima. There, we saw the A-Bomb Dome, a 1915 building that partially withstood the atomic bomb in 1945. Next was the Peace Park, which includes a monument to 12-yr-old Sadako, who died of radiation poisoning. Children from around the world bring folded paper cranes in her memory and to promote peace. And then there is the Peace Memorial Museum, which documents the terrible affects of the bombing., particularly the deaths of 6300 junior high and high school students who had been mobilized to create fire breaks to prevent fires spreading from air strikes.  World War II     was finally ended by the two atomic bombs. That ending came at a terrible cost.

A few years back, we visited the Bradbury Science Museum in Los Alamos, NM. It traces the history of the Manhattan Project, along with other science and technology innovations. While it recognizes the seriousness of the nuclear option, it is presented as the result of a can-do attitude. We don’t remember a deep dive into the enormous disaster that it was for the civilians of Hiroshima, though it was certainly mentioned.

By the same token, as one guidebook we read pointed out, the Hiroshima museum doesn’t spend time on what led up to the bombing. Japan had committed countless war crimes and there was no end in sight.

We spent a little time talking about the difference in the museums, and how different an experience is when it occurs in your own country, when it affects family, or friends, or even friends of friends, no matter the reasons or motivation behind it. Japan is now a pacifist country, though Abe is a bit more hawkish. The governor of Hiroshima continues to ask world leaders to end nuclear programs.

After the museum, we took a little time to reflect and unwind at Shukkeien Garden, a lovely garden that was destroyed by the bombing and has been rebuilt. It is so tranquil. 

Today we spent the day enjoying the island of Miyajima, sort of like the Japanese version of Mackinaw Island. Less fudge, more cars, and lots more religion, since it is considered a Shinto holy  site. Scads of people disembark from the ferry each day to shop, visit the shrine, and eat excellent food. We did much the same. Currently we are staying in a ryokan, a traditional guesthouse with futons (thin mattresses) on tatami mats, which are woven from straw. During the day, the hotel puts a short-legged table in the center of the floor with cushions on chairs with no legs. At dinner time, they come through to push the table to the side and lay out our futons with pillows and spreads. The ryokan also offers a public bath, separated by gender. We all chickened out on this. You must enter the bath naked, with a bit of a washing ceremony beforehand. Allison and I both knew going in that we weren’t up to the challenge. The other three just never quite got there, a mixture of uncertainty and exhaustion taking over.

A theme that’s been running through our time here so far is the difference between a country (ours) that values individualism vs a country (theirs) that values communal harmony over all. I would never have worn a mask at home because I was coughing, but Brian pointed out that every time I coughed. 6 more people near us out on a mask. That was a joke, but I did feel like I was upsetting the order. So I went to the 7-11 and chose a multipack of paper face masks from the large assortment they offered. I wore them for a couple of days, and I felt better about being in public, but it is not a comfortable way to go. Nevertheless, a decent percentage of the people around us are wearing them.

There isn’t really an Uber presence here either, partly because the public transportation here is so good, and it would be disruptive if people suddenly started taking an Uber instead.

Natalie told us the first day that we would be far less embarrassing if we could take up as little room as possible and take pains to avoid obstructing foot traffic. And we should talk quietly. I read somewhere along the way that one of the highest cultural values in Japan is harmony. Everyone should be contributing to the flow rather than disrupting. An ambulance driver passed us, lights and siren blaring, and each time someone moved out of his way he thanked them over a loudspeaker.  This politeness goes along with the idea of “saving face”, keeping your honor and preserving that of others by acknowledging no weakness or flaws, always seeming in control.

So my individual dislike for wearing a mask is trumped by the common good of me keeping my germs to myself. At the same time, some people find the communal need to maintain harmony stifling and repressive. On the other hand, in the U.S. we are constantly trying to figure out where personal freedom fits in with public good. Gun control, religious freedom, border control—they all exist in the tension between those things. If we let everyone do what they want, we have less security. If we make everyone do what we want, we have less freedom.

Traveling with two adult children who have been on their own for a while presents a bit of the same difficulty. If we come down too hard with what we parents want to see happen, we get a revolt of individual freedom. If we leave everything up to the common will, we never seem to get anywhere.

We have to live in the tension. It’s not an easy place to be, because sometimes it seems like no one is happy, no one gets their way. We try to pay attention to both the individual and the group need. Being in charge isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. It takes someone who can empathize with both sides of the situation.


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